The Dreaded Crucible

I'm a little tardy in posting this. By this time, my son is half way through the dreaded Crucible. I've read several times what he is going through and keep a listing next to me to check at certain times of the day. All I can do is pray he will be safe, strong and kick some a**! However, I would not be a mother if I didn't worry about him. It's my right.

I got a phone call from him last week. It was another of those weird robotic calls. He said "This recruit needs to know if you have made his plane reservations yet" and "This recruit needs those details before he is allowed to talk". It was bizzare. I'm really starting to worry about how is going to be when I see him. There has been SO much change in him already and I know during this last difficult task that the Marines put in front of him in training, he will change even more. I have to wonder what a normal conversation will be like with him. Will he still be Adam? The excitement about seeing him next week is rapidly turning into anxiety. I'm nervous to meet this man who use to wear my boy's shoes.

I DID get a great present though. They posted his platoon video last Friday. I had almost forgotten! (After a little accident at work and a trip to the ER, my mind wasn't quite what it should be!) I clicked on his platoon and STARED with my face mere inches from the screen. I was so afraid I would not recognize him! But I did. Oh my God he looks great. He looks so "clean". I know that's an odd thing to think, but he DOES! No jet black hair. No silly goatee. No STUPID Elvis sideburns. He looked almost regal. He looked so grown up. However did he grow up so fast?



Adam being away at bootcamp has made me do a lot of self-relflection. It has shown me a lot about what kind of a parent I am. Adam is a product of my parenting. I helped mold him. I helped guide him. Boot camp was not just for him. It was for me too. It was a test and do not know if I passed or failed. I just let go. His wings have been ready for quite some time now. I just had to let him go to see if he could fly. He did. He is going to be one great Marine and a great man that will have an amazing impact on this world. I hope the Marines don't ship him off to some distant land (foreign or not) so I can't see him as often as I like. At least I will be able to call him anytime I want to. No more of these stupid letters back and forth and the robotic phone calls. Christmas is going to be hard without him. I know I will not be fortunate enough to get his first Christmas in the service with him. If I do, I will count my blessings, but I'm not going to get my hopes up.

I'm really looking forward to him coming home on leave, but I already miss him when he leaves again. I want to spend as much time as I can with is while he is home (even though I have to work, DANG IT!).

Son, I love you very, very much. I am so proud of you and the amazing man you have become. I look forward to seeing what kinds of things you will do with your life and want to stay as close to you as I possibly can. You truly are my hero.