Gone Again

Well, Adam left really early yesterday morning headed back to MCT. He didn't get the Recruiters Assistance that he was hoping for so all of the sudden our time together got real short real fast. He did spend some quality time with the girlfriend and with his friends and I FINALLY got my day with him (just he and I). We went shopping for engagement rings. Wow was that weird. I tried to give him an education on what to look for and why, etc. He had seen a set that he really liked when he and his (guy) friends went looking. He ended up chosing a ring and a "wrap" wedding band that he would have never even considered before. When the gal at the jeweler sat the solitaire into the "wrap", Adam's face went white as a ghost. That was definitely the sign that THAT was the ring for Cat. It's actually very, very beautiful and that diamond is bigger than mine (I have rock envy now). The next day we went back in to pay for the rings (after Adam sitting down with her parents the night before and asking for their daughter's hand, aaaawwwww), Adam really started getting nervous. Not just a little. He looked like he was going to throw up or pass out. After the "purchase", we had to meet Cat's family for lunch. Adam was trying to hide his anxiety so as not to give it away what was going to happen that evening. He did a poor job. His foot was tapping. His fingers were shaking. You could SEE the anxiety in his eyes. I had to motion to him a few times to settle down or he was going to give it away.

The evening apparently went over exactly as planned. Adam was dressed up in his dress blue uniform and Cat wore her Homecoming dress. He told her that since this was their last date before he left again, that they were going to make it real nice by getting all dressed up! (I gave him an idea on the proposal and he did it!) Following dinner at Applebees (their favorite place), he ordered a desert to share, then after the waitress walked away, he excused himself for a potty run (using this opportunity to give the ring to the waitress). They "drew" a heart shape on an empty plate, put a strawberry on it, and seated the open engagement ring in the center of the plate. When the waitress brought the desert, she set it in front of Adam and the plate with the ring in front of Cat. Adam said as soon as she saw that ring, her eyes got HUGE and started to tear up. Then he popped the ultimate question as he placed the ring on her finger (on one knee of course). I wish I could have seen it. It sounded perfect.

I don't know if it was the proposal or the fact that Adam was in full uniform (or both), but a man down the way paid for their dinner. That was so sweet. When they came back to the house, Cat had perma-grin. I hope the very best for them. I hope they give the engagement enough time so they can have their dream wedding.

SO, back to Adam's departure! He flew out to San Diego, but ended up being diverted to another airport because their was so much fog in San Diego. He called with a little anxiety in his voice, worrying about making that shuttle up to the base. Thankfully he made it to San Diego, but ended up having to wait on the airplane while they found "a place to park". I hope he made his shuttle. I imagine I would have heard from him if he HAD NOT. I don't know how communication is going to be while he is at MCT. I know it's not as strict as boot camp, but they have a lot of work to do in four weeks. He got to take his cell phone so I hope to hear from him a couple times at least. After MCT is where it gets a little weird. His "classes" aren't going to be starting until the new year so he MIGHT get to come home and do six weeks or so of Recruiters Assistance which would mean he would be HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS!!!! I can hope and pray anyways.

He DID however leave a "wake" with his departure! His barracks (the room he was staying in) was left in shambles and his car is just gross (he trashed it out in the short time he was home, that little booger!). I might just have to text that Marine and chastise him for the mess he left.

Here are some pictures we did while he was home.









...and this one is my favorite!

At Home with my new Marine

Everyone was so glad to get home on Saturday night. It had been a long week for us, I can only imaging how long it was for Adam. Now that he is home, he is starting to relax, A LITTLE. He's still pretty keyed up and anxious. It's hard to get use to. I mean, before the boy couldn't sit still because of his ADHD. Add a lot of boot camp training into that and he never sits still.

I'm very glad that he is home, but I'm feeling a little blue because of it. For one, I know he's going to be leaving again, too soon. Too many people keep asking him about the possibility of him being deployed and I really can't even think about that right now. It scares the life out of me. It turns my soul cold and makes my blood ice. I can't fathom that yet. I'm not ready.

I'm also a little blue because although he is HOME, he's not really been AT home. I barely saw him yesterday at all. He spent the morning with Cat's family at church then spent the afternoon & evening with friends. I know he missed his friends and I certainly can't blaim him for wanting to see them (and they might really HELP him to relax), but I kinda wanted to see him too. I work all day during the week and have several things during some of the evenings this week. I will hardly see him this entire week. That breaks my heart completely. This bites. He spent last night telling all his friends about his boot camp adventures, but when is it his family's turn. I know I'm just being selfish and that is wrong of me. This is Adam's time and he needs to spend it however he wants to. It just hurts. He is right in front of me, yet I can barely see him. I still miss him, even though he is home.

Graduation!

Today was a good day. I will say that. It has also been a day that has made me really think. The morning seemed like forever. I went to the morning "Colors" ceremony at MCRD. It was neat. Then began a long, long wait. Seats in the stands filled up fast so we grabbed a seat and SAT there for over two hours. Thankfully, the weather was over cast and cool (to me, PERFECT). It seemed like an eternity. I was anxious to get through this. I wanted to see my son again and I wanted to stop waiting.

The ceremony started with the San Diego Marine Band. They were magnificent. I couldn't believe how perfect they sounded. As they were finishing up and the announcer started to talk, I saw the men lining up at the end of the parade deck. They began marching towards the stands, each step of every man exactly synchronized. There are few words that can describe the sight. It was completely awe inspiring. I almost teared up and yet had not even seen my son yet. The sheer perfection in each of those men's moves was completely breath taking. They halted in front of the stands, then turned in one awesome sweep. I saw Adam, though he was in the back of the formation and towards the back of the parade deck. I didn't cry. I smiled with all my being. He made it.

When the Lieutenant Colonel addressed the men with a "Good Morning" and they barked back the most amazing "Morning Sir, Ooh Rah", you could feel the passion of every single one of the 583 new Marines. It was again, completely breathtaking. There have been very few moments in my life that I have been speechless in awe. This was one of those moments.

Several more speeches and a parade of the marching band swallowed the next many minutes. The Honor Men were, well honored. The drill instructors and recruiters were given their proper gratitude and appreciation. Then the platoons were led on a march in front of the stands so everyone could truly appreciate all of these amazing young men who had fought their way through thirteen weeks training. All of the families had plenty of opportunities to snap a thousand pictures.

When they announced the dismissal of the new Marines, the crowd went crazy. I still didn't cry, though I wanted to. They would have been tears of joy, but I was determined to keep smiling. I was so happy and proud. It was one of those moments in a mother's life that cannot be put to words. I found Adam in the crowd and wrapped my arms around him so tight. "You did it" I told him. He did. He made it through hell and earned the title of Marine. He was a GREAT Marine.

After we left the depot and got back to the hotel, Adam tried to start to unwind. He was, of course very keyed up. He didn't really know how to "relax". We rested for a bit then decided to hit the mall since I DIDN'T bring him pants that he could wear! (I'm such a bad mom.) He purchased an outfit and once into some comfortable civilian clothes, looked more like Adam.

He is still different though. I cannot deny it and I know I must accept that this is the "new Adam", but it's so hard. I hardly know what to say to him or how to act. I hope that it will be better once we get home. He talked some about a few of the "experiences" he went through and I hope to hear much more. I told him he needed to write down or record everything he can about his experience so that he may remember the things that shaped him. I hope that he never forgets.

He has made a few comments yesterday and today that keep echoing in my head. Yesterday when he was showing my the "Iraqi Freedom" room at the museum he showed us a "home-made" bomb (replica) and said that it was responsible for the most "Marine Kills". Those words used together stung. Then again today, while shopping, he joked about wearing a charm on his dog tags while strutting around Iraq. God, I can't think about that. I cannot bear the thought of my son being deployed. I want to be selfish and tell them he's not allowed to go. I want to keep protecting him, but I can't. All I can do is pray that he stays safe. He is a United States Marine now, property of the United States government. He is our protector now.

I really love the new Adam, but I still miss the old one. He is not my little boy anymore now matter how much I want him back. He is my Marine, now and forever. He is my Hero and I am so proud of him.

Family Day~SEEING My Marine

This day has truly been an incredible day. Almost indescribable. It started out after only a little sleep (anxiety) and let to way too many hours of waiting. We waited for the shuttle for headed for MCRD. We waited and watched (from a distance mind you) as the new Marines practiced for graduation tomorrow. We waited some more. Then it was time to endure several hours of one of the senior drill instructors tell us the rules, give us a crash course in boot camp, make us wait more, THEN make us wait more. It was (almost) worth all of the hot air that came out of that DI's mouth. When the platoons started running up and stood in front of us, I got the first glance of my son. It literally took my breath away. So many weeks since I had saw him. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. He looked so different. Then he was gone again to finish his motivational "run", but not before I snapped several pictures of him standing in formation. Cat and I cried. I couldn't believe the wave of emotion that overtook me. When they completed their run (about 5 miles), they got into formation by the theater. I was in the back so I really couldn't see him at first, then I got a straight off view of him. He stood there, sweating like crazy and breathing heavily. After a short speech from the senior drill instructor, they called the platoons back up and they began SCREAMING a few things (honestly, I cannot even remember what they were saying). I saw the passion in him as he barked out the works. His face was strong and almost fierce. That is when I lost it. I started crying and couldn't stop. My boy was a man. He was a Marine. Oh my god, he is a Marine. I felt like it was a turning point in my life. A milestone. A change that I wasn't ready for.

Then...some more waiting. We watched a movie in the theater, walked out to the stands and found a nice spot in the front, listened to the Marine Band and held my breath as Adam marched out onto the parade deck in formation. He was in his dress "greens" (I have no idea what they are actually called!). He looked amazing. My heart was pounding. After a few speeches, they were released on "liberty" (time off, but had to stay on base). Adam's girlfriend, Cat sprinted to Adam. I gave them a moment, then found my way to him. I cannot explain how it felt to put my arms around My Marine. Pride cannot even explain it. It completely underestimated how I felt at that moment.

We wandered around the base for the rest of the day. Shopped a little. Ate even less. Talked, but found it hard to find the conversation. Adam was so different. A thousand questions ran through my mind, but it was so hard to speak them. I could only just sit there and take it in. Adam told me a little about some of the experiences he went through and admitted that he didn't tell me about some of his illnesses and injuries. I knew he was not telling me everything in his letters and was not surprised he couldn't make it through boot camp without some owies.

Another surprise was how much everyone looked up to him. The other Marines all looked up to him, even though they were all "brothers". Even his Drill Instructor said he was one of the "best ones". I couldn't believe how wonderful of a man he became.

When it was time for Adam to go back to his barracks, he handed me his Marine "pictures" that he had ordered. I looked at them and just cried. He wasn't my boy anymore. No matter how much I wanted to keep that belief that he would always be my little boy, the truth was that he wasn't anymore. He was my man. My Marine.

I cannot wait for Graduation tomorrow, but can't also wait for it to be over so he can leave and I can sit back and just talk to him. No rules. No one listening or critiquing him. I look forward to hearing all about this experience that has made him into this unbelievable person. I just hope my Adam is still in there somewhere. The changes that have taken place are good, but even standing before the well dressed, prestige Marine before me, I missed my Adam.

Sleep well my son. My Marine. My love and pride for you has never been greater. Ever. I look forward to our long talks over the past many days and I can't wait to get into a Cooking Throwdown with you!

Countdown...sixteen hours until I see my boy!

Yes, I finally made it to California after a very long day of traveling. Okay, the actual travel time wasn't so bad, it was the unbelievable WAITING that totally killed the day. The flight leaving was late so of course getting in was late. Then the airline lost Cat's bag (Adam's girlfriend). By the time we got out of the baggage claim office, we had missed the shuttle to the hotel. It was either wait an hour until he comes back or pay a stupid, smelly taxi driver twenty bucks to drive us a whole whopping 7 miles (plus tip). Uhg. So we waited. And waited. At least the weather is nice here. It was a little hot when we first got here, but cooled off nicely. The humidity is what stinks. My hair looked like I had stuck my finger in a light socket by the time we got to the hotel.

The hotel isn't bad. The shuttle driver was very informative on the way over explaining how things were going to work with Family Day and Graduation. It was very helpful. He also made the mistake of pointing out the barracks as we passed them and jokingly said "so close, yet so far away". If he only knew how much so.

Tomorrow is going to be weird. Our shuttle from the hotel to MCRD leaves at a lovely 7am. It's going to be a LONG, weird day. We are going to have breakfast on base since we are going to be there so damn early anyways. Then we can maybe sneek a peek at the Marines practicing drill. Then, the fun part! We get to go to the theater and watch a movie about the history of the Marine Corps! Come on now. I know this is all important, but I really would just like to see my son now. After the enriching film (no offense intended, I'm sure it will be interesting), we get to watch the platoons do a motovational run back and forth. Now mind you, I will be able to SEE my son, but not talk to him at all yet. Then there will be an awards ceremony that will last an hour and a half to two hours. THEN I get to see Adam. Not just see him, but talk to him! Hug him! Smack him (you know, for making this so excrutiatinly hard on me). After that, we get to spend almost five hours on the depot with him (he can't leave the base). We can go shopping, go to the museum and have lunch. It will be good. It's going to be hard saying goodbye for the evening, but I will take whatever blessings I can get. By noon tomorrow, I get to see my boy, face to face. Will I even recognize him? Will he still be my Adam? I don't know, but I hope so.
Good night son. Your mama gets to see you in mere hours. (Oh, and your girlfriend too which I'm sure rates a little higher on the food chain than dear old mom right now.)

P.S. Cat was a little funny on the plane here. This was her first time on an airplane and her fascination was amusing and sweet.

Off to California!

Yes, the day has come to get on a plane to go see my son! This thirteen weeks has seemed like an eternity. It's weird, I couldn't wait for him to leave, now I can hardly wait for him to come home. Even when he DOES come home, it's not going to be for long.

This next phase envokes a new kind of fear. No longer is Adam in the "safety" of boot camp. They can send him anywhere they want him with a moments notice and there is nothing I can do about it. They can even send him to the worst feared places that a mother of a Marine can imagine. They can put him in harm's way and as his mother, I can no longer protect him. I just have to trust and pray he will be safe.

I AM very excited to see Adam, but I'm still nervous. The next post will be from the west coast!

Here is a picture that I took of the computer screen as I watched Adam's platoon video! Doesn't he look great!?!?!

A Plethora of Emotions

This journey with Adam going through leaving the nest, going through boot camp and achieving the esteemed title of a United States Marine has literally been a plethora of emotions. In many ways, I don't know WHY I have been so emotional. My parents joke that before Adam left, I was so frustrated with him that I couldn't wait for him to leave and now I'm having such a hard time with him being gone. I'd be willing to be they did the same when my siblings and I left the nest. Yes, I will admit I was frustrated with Mr. Know-It-All before he left for boot camp, but now my life is so weird without him. He's not there for me to yell at to clean up his room or take the trash out. He's not there for me to smack upside the head when he tells a dirty joke that he should NOT say in the presence of his mother! He has been in my life every single day since he was born. This (then) sixteen year old mother held my little boy for the first time, not fully understanding that he was to be the best thing that ever happened to me. Now 18 years later, it's so hard not waking up every single morning with him sleeping in another room of the house.

I cannot understate the pride that I have for him and him accomplishments. He grew up. He graduated High School. He became a Marine. He will do amazing things with his life, of that I have no doubt. He will make a good husband, a good father and in time, a good grandfather. The chapters of his life that he has written for himself have only covered a few pages in what will be a long and accomplishing life.

Looking to next week when I actually get to SEE my boy for the first time in 13 weeks, I am again full of many emotions. Pride. Anticipation. Anxiety. Nervousness. Relief. Sadness. I am about to meet my son again as if it were the first time, remembering that cold December day when I met him for the first time. It's funny. I feel many of the same emotions.

I love you son. You drive me crazy sometimes, but I would have you no other way. I can hardly wait to meet my new Marine.

The Grand Finale!

After two days of excruciating hikes, drills, courses and exercises, TODAY my son will conquer the "Grim Reaper" (Mt. Suribachi) and claim the well earned Eagle, Globe and Anchor emblem officially making him a U.S. Marine! People can sleep better in the country as their is another Amazing Marine to protect you from the evils of the world.

Yeah Adam! You rock! Congrats and everyone is SO PROUD of you!

The Dreaded Crucible

I'm a little tardy in posting this. By this time, my son is half way through the dreaded Crucible. I've read several times what he is going through and keep a listing next to me to check at certain times of the day. All I can do is pray he will be safe, strong and kick some a**! However, I would not be a mother if I didn't worry about him. It's my right.

I got a phone call from him last week. It was another of those weird robotic calls. He said "This recruit needs to know if you have made his plane reservations yet" and "This recruit needs those details before he is allowed to talk". It was bizzare. I'm really starting to worry about how is going to be when I see him. There has been SO much change in him already and I know during this last difficult task that the Marines put in front of him in training, he will change even more. I have to wonder what a normal conversation will be like with him. Will he still be Adam? The excitement about seeing him next week is rapidly turning into anxiety. I'm nervous to meet this man who use to wear my boy's shoes.

I DID get a great present though. They posted his platoon video last Friday. I had almost forgotten! (After a little accident at work and a trip to the ER, my mind wasn't quite what it should be!) I clicked on his platoon and STARED with my face mere inches from the screen. I was so afraid I would not recognize him! But I did. Oh my God he looks great. He looks so "clean". I know that's an odd thing to think, but he DOES! No jet black hair. No silly goatee. No STUPID Elvis sideburns. He looked almost regal. He looked so grown up. However did he grow up so fast?



Adam being away at bootcamp has made me do a lot of self-relflection. It has shown me a lot about what kind of a parent I am. Adam is a product of my parenting. I helped mold him. I helped guide him. Boot camp was not just for him. It was for me too. It was a test and do not know if I passed or failed. I just let go. His wings have been ready for quite some time now. I just had to let him go to see if he could fly. He did. He is going to be one great Marine and a great man that will have an amazing impact on this world. I hope the Marines don't ship him off to some distant land (foreign or not) so I can't see him as often as I like. At least I will be able to call him anytime I want to. No more of these stupid letters back and forth and the robotic phone calls. Christmas is going to be hard without him. I know I will not be fortunate enough to get his first Christmas in the service with him. If I do, I will count my blessings, but I'm not going to get my hopes up.

I'm really looking forward to him coming home on leave, but I already miss him when he leaves again. I want to spend as much time as I can with is while he is home (even though I have to work, DANG IT!).

Son, I love you very, very much. I am so proud of you and the amazing man you have become. I look forward to seeing what kinds of things you will do with your life and want to stay as close to you as I possibly can. You truly are my hero.