Reality and the Unknown

Now that my son is officially a US Marine, I of course joined a bunch of online Marine Parents groups. I've spent the last few weeks reading posts and looking at pictures of some great looking Marines. I've also started getting a strong dose of reality. The reality is that my son's future is somewhat unknown. I don't know where the military will send him. I know where they COULD send him. A military mom's worst fear. Or even worse than I can fear.

I hate to think about it that way, but I have to be honest with myself. I can't keep pretending none of this is happening. He's grown up now. Adam is a Marine now. He belongs to the government. He is a tool. He is a weapon. Still, he's my boy! I'm still scared. I'm scared for what I don't know. I'm scared of him going too far away from me. I'm scared of him never returning. I look through the pictures of the Marines in places I cannot even fathom with fear. All of them are "someone's boy". That can very well be my boy.

Still, though this new reality has me scared, it also carries a weird sense of pride. I say weird because I do not fully understand it. I am proud of my Marine even though I know he could and would give his life for his country. I say weird because I look at the faces of these Marines that have been deployed to so many places and see the happiness and pride in their faces! Many of them look like they are "having fun", like at a summer camp. But this reality does not include a "summer camp". That is why I feel this weird pride.

I haven't had much contact with my son while he's in MCT. He's busy and doesn't get free time often. I understand that and would expect nothing less. I am still not sure what is going to happen after MCT. I'm not getting my hopes up (too high) for him being over Christmas although he keeps telling me not to worry. I guess we shall see when it gets here.

And then there is his neptuals that are already being planned. Sigh. I'm happy and scared all at the same time. I just hope they wait long enough. I hope they have the time to plan their perfect wedding.