Monday, June 8, 2009

So much to catch up...

I didn't realize how long it had been since I last updated the blog. So much has changed too. Adam had a total ball at the Fire Academy at Goodfellow AFB. It was almost "cute" hearing him tell me stories of him catching his PANTS on fire. (I didn't think it was as amusing as he did.) He graduated near the top of his class and we all could not be prouder. I think I downloaded over 300 pictures that were taken during his time at the academy. He was shocked that I was able to recognize him in several of the pictures. DUH!! I'm his mom!

He called me a few weeks before graduation though and scared the holy hell out of me. I answered the phone and he said "Hey Mom. I got my orders." Then he went silent. Oh god, this was the call I was dreading. I was waiting for him to tell me he was being deployed. My heart began to race as I muttered "AND????" Then he asks "Where is the worst place you can think of that they can be sending me?" My heart felt like it stopped. The tears welled up. I started to shake. I was driving and almost had to pull over. I told him "Just TELL me!" Then he sort of chuckled and said "So Kenohe Bay, Hawaii wouldn't be the worst place you could think of?" I'll tell you one thing. I almost KILLED the boy when he came home on leave. That was a sick joke to pull on his mother! When he told me he hadn't told his fiance, Cat, yet, I warned him that he BETTER NOT do that to her too. Uhg! He thought it was funny as hell.

His time on leave went by quickly. Before we all knew it, he was leaving again. I should be getting good at saying goodbye to him, but it's still hard.

Adam seems to be enjoying his job and enjoying Hawaii. He's been snorkling and body boarding and has been spending plenty of time at the beach. Sigh. I'm so jealous. A few weeks ago, he invested in a little convertible to toot around the island in. Now I'm really jealous. Cat is planning to join him in Hawaii in August I think. They are planning on getting married in Hawaii (a little ceremony on the beach perhaps) but because he used up all his leave, he won't be coming home. I'm very sad about that. They are still planning on coming home in the Summer of 2010 and having a "family" wedding and reception, but it's not quite the same. I won't get to watch my first born child get married. That breaks my heart. Still, I respect that this is THEIR choice to make.

Oh, and just last week, Adam was "pinned" a Lance Corporal! Not bad for less than a year!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Completely Disgraceful

I have caught myself noticing little things as I drive or shop. I notice military stickers and logos. I notice people in uniform. I notice the Marine haircuts and the way military people carry themselves, with honor and pride. I notice how many American flags are proudly displayed outside houses. Unfortunately, I notice things that may not have even phased me before.

The other morning driving in to work, there was a car full of men in front of me. One in the back was wearing a Marine desert cami "cover" with his name on the back (or just assuming it was HIS name). He was wearing it "gangster" style and whoa did it get my blood boiling! It was pulled down as tight as it could be (unlike how it's supposed to be worn), the brim was nearly folded into a peak and he had the thing on almost sideways! I almost took a picture with my camera phone. I was so disgusted. IF it was his cover and he was a Marine (active or otherwise), how disrespectful of him to dishonor the uniform as such! Didn't he make it through recruit training (and possibly more) with an ounce of respect for the title, not to mention the uniform? If it wasn't his, how incredibly disrespectful!

Marines are MADE. You can't just put on the "hat" and pretend. Marines go through too much to be who they are, they deserve far more respect than that!

Completely disgraceful!

Monday, January 5, 2009

The Holidays, A New Year and a Realization

Well, Adam made it home for Christmas, thankfully. It was still up in the air if he was going to make it and WHEN for a while. It was so hard to shop for him for Christmas. He's so different now. He's in a different world. I asked myself the same question over and over. "What does a young Marine need?" It was tough to answer that.

His time home was nice. He spent a little more time ACTUALLY at home than last time. He AND Cat I mean. Even if it was just hanging out watching movies, at least he was there. He kept his little brother in line a few times, which was weird for me now looking back on how Adam USE to be. He was just like his little brother.

I learned something while he was home this time. Something that I knew was inevitable, but something I was hoping was not going to start yet. I noticed the gap between us growing. He's drifting away from dear 'ol mom. I know he's grown up now, but since he left for boot camp way back in July, I have felt closer to him than I have been in a long time. We talked a lot more than we use to, be it in letters or on the phone. Now, the conversation is harder to start or keep going. While he was home, it didn't FEEL like he was "home", rather only visiting. It felt different this time. Again, I blame the distance that is growing between us. My young bird has left the nest and as his mother, it's so hard to accept deep down in my gut.

Yesterday his Boot Camp Year Book arrived in the mail (slightly bruised thanks to the postal service). I actually didn't even know it was coming. It's a very cool book. I hope we can order another one so I can have one all to myself. I sat there for over an hour looking through the pictures of MCRD, remembering Family Day and Graduation a few months ago. I remember seeing him for the first time during the moto run. I remember crying when I saw him. He was SO different. So proper yet numb. I remember seeing him in uniform for the first time. I remembering wrapping my arms around him after graduation and telling him "You did it". I looked through the pictures of boot camp, which I had NOT seen before. It was extremely enlightening seeing the faces of all those boys when they first arrived and how they changed and grew and became men as they went through training, eventually becoming proud Marines. I saw the fierce passion in their faces as the pushed themselves through everything they faced. Yes, I did spot Adam in a few of the pictures. In one of the pictures, he was helping to carry this huge timber pole and his face showed this fierce passion and determination. It's a truly great picture of him. Now one of my favorites.

I made it half way through the "yearbook" and read something that made me stop. I couldn't stop the tears welling up in my eyes and eventually falling down my cheeks. I couldn't swallow the lump in my throat nor ease the sting in the pit of my stomach. It was the Rifleman's Creed. Though I would rather choose to ignore or deny it, the true fact remains evident. My son is soldier. He has been trained to and is prepared to take the life of another human being if the need ever arises. He is ready and willing to go to war. It made me respect him more for what he has been through and will go through during his time in the Marine Corp for it is not something that I myself could do. It also reminded me that when he finishes his MOS schooling (in March, not September like originally thought), that he can and probably will be deployed. Just that word strikes fear in this (and every) mother's heart. It terrifies me, though I knew from the very beginning that it was always a possibility. I feel selfish by wishing I could tell them "Not my son!". I wish I could protect him, but I can't. He is going to protect me. He's going to protect us all. Though pride is ever present in my plethora of feelings, so is fear and anxiety.

So this new year is guaranteed to bring many new events. I will have a daughter-in-law by year's end. My son will graduate as a Marine Fire Fighter and could end up being whisked away to a distant land to help protect the freedoms that I often take for granted. He is a proud Marine who will not back down when called to action. I just pray that he stays safe.