So begins another journey

I dropped my eldest son at the recruiter's office on Sunday, July 13, 2008. It was a very emotional moment in my life that I will never forget. After eighteen years, it was time to say goodbye to my son and send him off to begin a life as a US Marine. I cried. He cried. I told him that I loved him and he told me he loved me. He told me that I was his best friend, something I was not expecting. Those words continue to echo in my head. It has made me think a lot. It has made me realize that he is my best friend too.

I got a call from him at almost 9pm on Monday night. It was brief, but he told me he had made it to California and that he loved me. I told him I loved him too and told him to 'be good'. What?!?!?! I'm not sure why I said that. It just came out! I can't stop being his mom just because he is a man now. I don't know. Maybe that was my way of telling him to be safe, be healthy, listen and do exactly what he was told.

It's a prestigious calling that he is answering and one that deserves the utmost respect. He will make a great Marine. I know he will. I have learned a lot about the Marines in the past several days and have had a chance to chat with some of the other Marine parents whose children shipped out the same day. It helps some.

The hardest part for me right now is NOT having him here. I miss him so much. I miss him more than I thought I would. I miss the way he could make me laugh no matter what the situation. I miss his dirty jokes. I miss his cooking and our little cook-offs that we would have. I even miss yelling at him to do his chore or clean up his room. I miss his voice and I hate that I won't get to hear it very many times, if any over the next few months. I learned that you never know how much a person means to you or impacts your life until they are not there anymore. I don't know what my daily life will be like without him in it. He has been with me every single day since I was sixteen and although I KNEW the time would come when he grew up and left 'the nest', I didn't think it would be this hard. I burst into tears at stupid things that remind me of him. I haven't been able to go into his bedroom yet because I'm afraid of the truth. He's not there anymore. I'm trying to get over feeling sad about this change in his life, but it's hard. I feel grief, even though I know he's not "gone" forever. I feel guilt, for all the things I meant to do before he left, but never got around to doing.

My sadness for his departure is not helped by the way his stupid cat has been. Since the day he left, Oreo (the cat) has been grieving terribly. He lays next to the picture of Adam on the shelf (or ON it if it has fallen down). He watches out the window, waiting for him to come home. He stares at his car and wonders why IT is there and yet his boy is not. He roams the house in the middle of the night making this horrible lonely howl, crying out for his boy. It's very sad to see Oreo so sad. I think he may need kitty therapy.

So, I guess it's time to look onward. To look forward to when I get to see him again. I look forward to sending him letters and (hopefully) getting them in return. I desperately hope for a phone call or two, just to hear his voice. I can't wait to see him at his graduation when he officially becomes a Marine. I guarantee I will cry, but it will be tears of joy.

Be safe, my son. I think about you every single day. I hope you are doing well and perhaps enjoying your experience. I can't wait to hear all about it.